“Divorce coach” is such a naff title but I found pep talks from the internet were really helpful. When I felt most despondent I kept going back to a piece by someone called Debbie Nigro, who had been through it all and come out the other side. She says “Strap on your attitude darlin’ cause you’re seriously gonna need it.” Here are some of the tips that helped me the most. (You can find more at http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/lovethenexttimearound/a/backtogreat.htm)
“First off, make no mistake, it’s “you” against “you” every day. So you get to decide who wins. The dark you or the bright you.
Keep in mind that you paralyse yourself by focusing on the things you don’t have and can’t do. Rather, focus on what you do have, and can do.
You have a responsibility to your children to do everything in your power to keep their relationship with both parents warm, loving and civil.
You will be alone at family functions with or without your kids—get used to it.
When you think you don’t have the strength, dig deeper. You’ll be amazed at what you never knew was inside of you.”
I also love this guy Bill Ferguson who has a site called Divorce as Friends. He looks like a bit of a Californian goober in his perma tan and chambray shirt and apparently he is endorsed by Oprah, but don’t let that put you off. What he teaches is that you have to learn to willingly feel the pain.
“If you feel your hurt willingly like a child, the hurt will come and go. If you fight the hurt, it will turn into pain and stay. Whenever the hurt comes up, reach in, grab it and pull it out. Feel the hurt of your circumstances and the deeper hurt of feeling worthless, not good enough or not worth loving. Cry if you can. Let the hurt come and let it go.”
“As long as you are swimming, you’ll stay above water, but as soon as you stop swimming, you’ll start to sink. The same thing happens in life. As long as you are active and moving forward, you’ll stay above water, but as soon as you withdraw, you’ll start to sink.”
Find more of Bill at http://www.divorceasfriends.com/onwithlife.html